I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
