Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
