And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
