I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
