i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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