i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
