Do you still have your period?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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