NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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