please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
