he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
