Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
