If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
