So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
