Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
