oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
