my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
