One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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