I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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