put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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