I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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