Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
