i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
