I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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