At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
