ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
