It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
