its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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