Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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