New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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