my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
