I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
