I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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