so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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