Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
