Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
