It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
