You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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