hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
