careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
