I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
