from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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