We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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