my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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