Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
