Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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