I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
