Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
