We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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