When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
