if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
