Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
