it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
