I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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