I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
