the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
