i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
