She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
