SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
