they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
