was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
