i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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