I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
